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Monday, October 8th, 2007
12:25 pm - I'm still alive...?
Yes, I am stilll around. I do check this thing every now and then. I don't post as much as aI should... I post a lot on myspace... but I really don't like it better then here..... just has more stuff on it too...

I need to post more.... yeah....

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Thursday, May 17th, 2007
1:21 pm - It's been a long road...
It's been awhile since I have posted on here. Just haven't really thought about it.. 'til today.. just a little update about my life.... Shane and I broke up... about... 3 months ago or so... I am still working at DTV so thats going good :) I got my first Tattoo on my Birthday... My son is doing well... just getting older ^_^

Yeah.. it's been up and down these last months... but I hope everything is starting to staighten out... at least a little...

current mood: chipper

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Friday, December 29th, 2006
2:21 pm - Chrismas is done and over with!
Chrismas went ok for me.... It wasn't anything like last year.. but it was nice... I think the only thing that REALLY made is anywhere near nice was the fact that Shane asked me to go to his family Chrismas partys. Other the spending time with Shane, it pretty much sucked... Tho I did get to go look at lights.. tho my mom flaked out... and then chelle ran off... but Zander had a great time... ^_^

I didn't get much for gifts this year... Shane got me a VERY pretty necklace and bracelet. I also got a harry potter puzzle, nightmare before chrismas chess set... a sunflower welcome sign, a rocking snowman... and I think thats it...

yeah.. it was ok.... not great... but ok...

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Monday, December 4th, 2006
6:52 am - Let it fucking snow alright!!!
10 to 12 inches of snow!!! Can you believe it!?!?!?? it's been like 3 days an the roads are STILL bad in places!!! It's crazy! Other then that my weekend was good :) Spent 90% of the time with Shane ^_^ Which is always a good thing :) Got to sleep with him Fri. and Sat. night! I don't see him much through the week, so I'm happy when I get to see him.

I start my new job on the 18th! So I am happy about that... not sure how I am going to pay the rent, but it will work out I guess.. o-o I hope so anyway.

One day at a time, one day at a time...

current mood: cold

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Friday, November 3rd, 2006
8:40 am - the wheels of life..
I am sitting here, not doing much of anything at the moment. I haven't been posting a lot to this J. and I'm not sure why. I used to post all the time it seemed like.... now I post a lot on myspace.... but sometimes I don't want to post things to myspace because all of my friends are on there and sometimes I just want to vent... I mean I have friends on here as well, but not ones I see everyday.... Not ones that I feel are judging me or something... I don't know it's just different... But whatever. So I keep this place as my vent place and shhhh don't tell anyone. Your specail if your on my list :p

Rock on peoples.

current mood: calm

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Tuesday, October 31st, 2006
7:52 pm - Happy Halloween!!
I am in a cranky mood today... and I've come to realise that I am a paranoid bitch. I have a hard time trusting people... even people I care about a lot... It seems like I am always expecting someone to hurt me. And I get my mind "ready" before it even happens... like I'm looking for it... It's like... "I know they are doing something shady... I just have to find it..." even tho that person has given me NO reason to think that or feel that in any way.

I think a lot of that is from my past... issues I am still working through. I let myself get hurt over and over again, by people I had given my heart to, that I'm absolutely terrified to give it to someone else. I do not want to feel that way again. I do not want to know that pain again. I do not take love lightly... I never have... and when I say love someone, I mean it.

It's hard to let go of that fear. The fear of being hurt, the fear of being used, the fear of being alone... Having faith in love is a very hard thing to do, But I know I have never given up hope. I've tried very hard to keep my head up, when it seems like the weight of the world is pressing me down.

And I have felt alone. Felt scared. I have cried myself to sleep more nights then I want to even remember... And now that I have found someone that takes all that pain away, I am scared I will lose it. So what do I do? Hold on tightly or push it way? What do you do when the two things that come to mind first are the two worse things you can do?

All I want to do is hold his hand and walk beside him. To see his smile just lights my heart. Hearing his voice brings me joy. He heals my pain with every kiss. And I know that sounds sappy, but it is true. That is how I feel. Someone just has to say his name, and I can't help but smile.

And here I am, being who I am, and fighting off this jealousy streak I have. And I know the more I allow myself to trust, the less jealousy I will feel, but it's the trust thing I'm having a problem with. And I do trust Shane, but not completely.. I still have that streak in me. I still have that little voice in the back of my head saying "what if".... and the more I get to know him, the less I will feel that way, but it's only been a month....

And he is so different from anyone I have ever been with... and that is scary to me. He does things for me, that I have never had anyone do... He has said things to me, that no one has ever said to me before... I feel things for him, that I have never felt before... and it's only been a month... and I don't like jumping into things... that just not me... And feelling this way makes my heart flutter... and that is scary...

I care about him more then anyone I've ever been with... and all I want is to make him as happy as he has made me. I just don't always know the best way to do that.

current mood: awake

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Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
11:01 pm - Halloween Madness
My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
smoonygirl goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as sexy doll.
aerismccain gives you 7 light yellow grape-flavoured nuggets.
azura623 gives you 2 purple apple-flavoured gummy worms.
beorca gives you 13 light green evil-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
candikane82 gives you 6 purple lemon-flavoured gummy worms.
doji_ketra gives you 19 green evil-flavoured jawbreakers.
forgemccain gives you 11 dark green cola-flavoured wafers.
formula2win gives you 18 purple blueberry-flavoured jawbreakers.
lemmylinks tricks you! You get a 3.5-inch floppy disc.
saturnynelunari gives you 18 teal lime-flavoured jawbreakers.
sunlitedragon gives you 9 mauve orange-flavoured gummy worms.
smoonygirl ends up with 103 pieces of candy, and a 3.5-inch floppy disc.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

current mood: amused

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Monday, October 16th, 2006
6:18 pm - Costume Heaven!
I am really starting to pull my Halloween Costume together. I'm really happy with it so far!!!!! Hehehehehe!!!

current mood: bouncy

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Monday, October 2nd, 2006
11:20 am - Ask and you shell receive!!
Holy moley crapazoid!! I got asked out Fri. ^_^ Went to dinner, and hung out the rest of the night, then I met up with him again Sat night, and spent the whole day/night with him... He did not go home 'til Sunday afternoon! and I had a TON of fun!! His name is Shane, and we are now offically together as of Oct 1st ^_^

I haven't been this happy in a long time!!

current mood: ecstatic

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Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
10:26 am - Ok, I need more friends
I need more friends... well, more guys friends really. If anyone has a friend that is single and you think we may hit it off, contact me. *lol* I want to go on dates and things. That doesn't make me sound stupid does it? *LOL* yes, I guess I am pimping myself out.. *lol*

current mood: happy

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Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
1:56 am - Today has been a pretty good day..
I've noticed that I think about Chris less and less these days. I finally got it in my head that he cheated on me, not because of something I did, but because he's a fucktard. It was never about me. He couldn't keep his dick in his pants. HE fucked up, not me. Why should I feel bad for getting reid of a loser?? Well, I don't feel bad anymore. I really don't. Now, I know I'll most likely still have bad days... Zanders 2nd Birthday and things like that, but I think I will be able to handel them better. I peity him more then anything now. He doesn't know how to love, and he may not ever, and I am worth more then that.

current mood: cheerful

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Friday, September 1st, 2006
3:13 am - Crash and Burn
yeah.... I got Fired today. SO I have to start looking for a new job. It sucks too, because I really did like this one. But oh well...

I've never been fired before so thats a new thing for me.... The whole thing was weird... but I'll find something else.

Just have to keep on, keeping on...

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Tuesday, August 1st, 2006
10:27 am - Hmmm...
I'm doing a lot better today. I was just having a mental break-down... Had a lot of stress and things on my mind.

But I guess getting really drunk and having a party helps you forget about all of that. What do you think?

current mood: amused

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Thursday, July 27th, 2006
9:46 am - one simple thing....
I am so not doing ok.....

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Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
4:49 pm - Everything I need to say
LeToya - Torn
Album: LeToya | Submitted By: jackie1986 | Posted: 2006-02-13Verse 1:
A part of me wants to leave you alone.
A part of me wants for you to come home.
A part of me says I'm living a lie.
(And I'm better off without you.)
A part of me says to think it through.
A part of me says I'm over you.
A part of me wants to say goodbye.
A part of me is asking why...

A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think we're over and done you do something to get me back loving you.
And you got me just torn.

Torn in between the two.(Oh yeah)
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.(I really want to be with you)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
And you got me just torn in between the two.(In between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (Be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (You alone)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

Verse 2:
There were no issues when we started out.
It was cool.
It was everything that love's about.
But something happened.
Plus I feel it's over now.
(Cuz I can't understand you now.)Now oh
(I just can't understand you now.)
A part of me says it's all my fault.
A part of me says "he ain't what you want."
A part of me says to get my bags.
A part of me says I can't do that.

A part of me wants to leave.
But a part of me wants to be here with you.
And everytime I think that it's over and done you make me fall back in love.
You got me just torn.

Torn in between the two.(Between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you.(Be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.(You alone)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
And you got me just torn in between the two.(Torn in between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (Really wanna be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (Telling me I should leave)
Leave you alone. (Alone)
Leave you alone. (Alone)

So many times I... (I was ready to go)
So many times I... (Had my foot out the door)
So many times I... (I thought to give him a chance, thought he'd be a better man)
Now I'm sitting here and I'm so confused.
Cuz I keep fighting myself for you. (I don't know how much more I can take but I can't feel this way)
(You got me so torn)

Torn in between the two.(Oh yeah)
Cuz I really wanna be with you.( I really wanna be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.(But I don't know)
And you got me just torn in between the two.(Should I stay or should I go)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (I don't know)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (You alone)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone. (You alone)

And you got me just torn in between the two. (I'm torn in between the two)
Cuz I really wanna be with you. (I really wanna be with you)
But something's telling me I should leave you alone. (But I don't know)
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

(Repeat 3X)
And you got me just torn in between the two.
Cuz I really wanna be with you.
But something's telling me I should leave you alone.
Leave you alone.
Leave you alone.

current mood: broken

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Friday, July 7th, 2006
10:13 am - Hmmmm.....
watch Smoonygirl fight
view children
view parent

current mood: tired

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Friday, June 23rd, 2006
6:28 am - Something very stupid
I wrote this tonight, after I did something very stupid. Feel free to tell me what you think.

You and me

By Rebecca H. 6/23/06 5:00am - 6:00am

I was left alone in the dark
Lost in the depth of my heart
I thought you where my light
my saviour in the night

But it was just the shine
from the door you left behind
as I step out of this confine
It is you I could not find

And Now I walk alone
No one to call my own
and all the stones are thrown
It is pain that I have known

Remeber that I have cried
and I wanted to be your bride
But all of that has died
For it was you that has lied

But still to this day
When I can't find my way
and my heart goes astray
It is with you I wish to stay

But I shall move on
I must learn to be strong
Everything turned out wrong
and with you I do not belong

But it is very hard
To let down your guard
When your heart has been scarred
when you feel broken and marred

I go one step at a time
and foward I shall climb
until I feel a love that is mine
And then all will be divine

So do not weep for me
For I have set us free
And this you must agree
You and me can never be we

current mood: numb

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Thursday, June 15th, 2006
2:42 pm - Damn it, Damn it, Damn it!!!
I have to now wait 'til Tues to move into my apartment! *CRY* I WANT IT NOW!!

This totally sucks...



current mood: angry

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Tuesday, June 13th, 2006
11:54 pm - I get my apartment this Fri!!!!
I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait!!!!!

Can you tell I really want my apartment? *LOL*

Other then that I am doing ok :) I need to get a computer all to myself that I can put in my room....

I'm REALLY happy right now :) A friend I made at A-kon contacted me, and that makes me happy. I feel loved *grin* Wish he hadn't worried about having to leave so soon... and if my other friend wouldn't have freaked out a little *blah* LOL* Oh well, :)

I still had fun ^_~

current mood: happy

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Sunday, June 11th, 2006
9:18 pm - Sleepy!
Doing rather well today ^_^ Got an e-mail from a "friend" Hehehe :) I hope I get to see him again. *LOL*

A-kon was a lot of fun, tho I didn't send a lot of time there, I was out doing other things :) *LOL*

Spent $35 to walk around a flirt with people! *LOL* Had a bunch of fun tho!!! Can't wait 'til next year!! *HAHA* going to be a little more ready tho.. O_O""""

current mood: tired

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